HOW TO SURVIVE A CHICAGO WINTER... FOR BEGINNERS

Monday, November 25

 

Winter has been toeing the line for the last month in Chicago, but I believe it's finally done it and crossed that line. The trees have died, the snow has come, and it seems as if my entire body is wind-chapped.

Since it's my first "real" winter -- San Francisco's lows hover at 40 degrees, DC is half in the south -- I've been trying to collect advice on how to come out on top during this winter season. 

Here's what I've come up with so far. Let me know if you have any others to add to the list!


1. Get lots of money, ASAP. 

$ to get warm down coats that cover your bum and keep you dry. Also think of all the accessories! Mittens, tights, scarves, oh my! 

$ to take warm beach vacations mid-winter to allow yourself time to thaw out. Be prepared for your hair to get considerably softer as the ice melts.

$ to pay the enormous gas bills, as in more than $150 a month.... 

$ to purchase your bottles of red wine when that's all that will make you feel a little warm again. 

$ to cover all those uber rides you insist you won't take, but always end up taking. The L Train in below freezing temperatures is less than ideal.


2. Learn how to lucid dream.

Before going to bed look at pictures of tropical beaches and Saharan deserts. Hope that it will lead to dreams of you tanned, toned and warm as can be. Because that will mean approximately 8 hours of your day will be sent in a beautiful and toasty dream.

And if that technique doesn't work, just keep trying to lead your dream to that exceptionally sunny locale.


3. Put on some extra pounds. 

Gaining weight is probably going to be the easiest step on this list. When you put together Thanksgiving and its left-overs, Christmas cookies and sweets, walks to the gym becoming unbearably cold, and general comfort eating when you're feeling a little chilly, it's almost impossible not to gain weight. 

Putting on an extra layer will separate you that much more from the biting wind and the sub-freezing temperatures. And it's not beach season! Seriously -- who's going to be able to tell under all of your layers?


And if all else fails, just slap on a smile, put on some gloves, and take a low-quality winter selfie! 

Then go inside, cut yourself a nice, big slice of pie, climb under your covers, and come back out when it's above freezing again. 


By the way, this delicious apple pie (from Sweet Mandy B's) was sent to me by my amazing friend Ahna as a congratulations for me getting into Second City's Conservatory program! She seriously spoils me. But I'm not one to complain...

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