KEEP ON KEEPING ON

Monday, December 16

Tonight I walked through Chicago's winter wonderland of a city over to my friend Kathleen's apartment for hot cocoa and reassuring words. She and I met on our very first day at Second City, back when knocking knees and nervous laughs were to be expected. Since our shared class ended we've actually grown even closer through attending the same church. I really value that we are able to talk openly and freely about faith, performing, and conviction. Tonight our conversation shifted towards insecurity over choosing acting as a career.

I have always found it hard to stick by my love of performing. Guilt that I love it so much, as performing is largely viewed as a vain occupation. Fear of the extreme likelihood of failure or mediocrity. Embarrassment that I'm barely scraping by while former classmates have been hired into six digit salaries. Interest in many other fields that I could have chosen a steady career in. 

Since moving to Chicago I've experienced the highest of highs and pretty low lows. I have burst out in irrepressible smiles from being so happy and proud to be living the life I am living. I have stayed in bed wondering what the heck I have done. The worst is meeting most new people and telling them what I do {usually leaving out the whole nanny aspect}. They smile and exclaim, "That's so interesting! My job is nowhere near as exciting as that!", but their eyes give it all away as they reflect "Thank God I have my job", "At least she's young and has time to get a real job" "Wow she must be stupid"

I try hard not to let doubts or fears get in the way, but some days it's easier than others. Whenever I'm doubting I think back to the quote,

"What would you do today if you knew you could not fail"

And honestly, it would be everything I'm doing now. And as long as that continues to be my answer, then what the hell. If I've only got one life to live, I might as well be following my passion... even if my bank account is a tad sparse, even if most people don't understand, even if sometimes {a lot of times} I get scared.

After talking with Kathleen I headed over to iO to watch Taylor Grace of The Daily Tay perform in "Monday Night Live" -- a sketch show written by iO writing students. And after that I took my time walking home, loving the cold night, stopping to watch the snow fall. Everything will be okay. Just keep on keeping on.

2 comments :

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  2. Thank you!! Also loving your blog right now :)

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