2014: RESOLVE

Friday, January 3


My whole life I've wanted to succeed. At something. But it seems that whenever I get close, whenever the expectations and chance of failure get too large, I run away. This trend has followed me through a multitude of activities from ballet to sailing to piano to tennis to acting to school. At the threshold where I can push beyond natural capabilities and invest my whole being, I turn away. And I hate this. It has held me back from so many things in life, and as I move into this new year with all of its opportunities and open windows and unwritten pages I want to push past my fear of failure and commitment and have the resolve to make a choice and be confident in it.

When I first moved to Chicago in late August of 2013 I was following a small spark of inspiration that was the only thing that felt right amidst a tumultuous sea of confusion and self-doubt. In my new room in this new city I looked at the blank white walls and had the urgent feeling that I absolutely needed to adorn one of the walls with my favorite quotes, so that every day I would wake up and go to bed with the message from the quote seared in my mind.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, BEGIN IT. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. BEGIN IT NOW.

Over the years I've had so many quality dreams and ideas that never came to fruition because I didn't begin them or even if I began them in a flight of inspiration, I didn't commit to them. Forgotten screenplays, discarded poems, chapters of books. What beauty could have been created if I had only followed through? Where would I be now if I had just BEGUN some of those projects instead of merely thinking them over and then second-guessing myself away from them? What would my life be if I was driven purely by dreams without the fear of failure?

In 2014 I am promising myself that I will strive to commit wholly to projects to dreams to people to ideas. Stop talking about it and just DO. Live with the intention of creating. Push past fears of inadequacy and failure. Follow what fills me with joy.

2 comments :

  1. I love that quote & this post! Also fear of failure is so new to me. It might seem like I was faced with it all the time because of swimming, but swimming actually became my buffer against failure in an overall life sense - it got me into college so I didn't have to compete for admission, it kept me busy during college so I didn't feel the need to find other interests, and it provided me with a ready-made community so I didn't have to build my own. Now that I'm out in the real world I have never felt so overwhelmed by choices and options for figuring out my path. That quote was exactly what I needed to hear!

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  2. Thank you for this inspiring post! I too have struggled deeply with "being my worst critic", I used to think I was just being critical, when really I was just scared to fail. You have a beautiful perspective and I can't wait to hear about your progress through the year with this goal (I hope you plan to share!!)! I love this blog and peeking into your fun/totally cute life in Chicago!! Your new friend, Ariel

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